What if I were to tell you that many of your fears are self-created? Think back to the last time you considered pursuing something. Did you start thinking about what it would take to get there, all the things you don’t have to make it work, and any number of “what if” questions? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then you, like me, have created your fears. That state of fear can become so strong that your mind creates scenarios of how things can go wrong.
I believe that fear is the greatest enemy of our personal growth and progress. It’s not other people, it’s not a lack of ability, and it’s not a lack of resources. Many times we may go to extraordinary lengths to avoid admitting we have fear. This includes refusing to talk about problems, or challenges, that may be keeping us from the place we want to be.
However, when you allow fear to dictate the way you deal with a situation, your reality becomes your perception of the thing that you fear. Every part of you makes it a reality before it ever happens. So fear is just the mismanaging, or not taking full responsibility, of the thoughts and images we allow into our minds.
Three Types of Fear
Fear of Loss
Fear comes in many forms, but there are three types of fear that I see the most. The first type of fear is FEAR OF LOSS. We fear the possibility of losing something or someone. We may not want to take action because there is a possibility we may lose something that we care about. We fear losing a relationship, our money, our time, or our sense of security. I can speak firsthand about this fear.
Before I started my business, many people told me it wasn’t a good idea, especially with the economic downturn. They advised me to pursue my path as a part-time business. They were afraid that I would lose the financial stability and benefits that I received from my full-time job. All they could perceive was what I would be losing. Even there was some truth to the things that they were saying, my focus was on the big picture.
So, how do you manage this fear of loss?
We cannot focus on what we may lose. Instead, we must focus on what we’re going to gain. When I decided to pursue my business, I chose not to think about the losses. I thought about the freedom and fulfillment I would get working for myself. I chose not to focus on losing benefits. I was excited to have more control over how I spent my time. So, you see, the key is to focus on everything that you WILL gain rather than the things you MAY lose.
Fear of the Process
The next type of fear is FEAR OF THE PROCESS. Sometimes we can be so afraid of going through the process of change that we allow ourselves to put up with circumstances that make us unhappy. The process of change can be fearful, but positive change is good for us. One of the main reasons I hesitated to start my business was the fear of moving through the entire process required to make it successful. I thought about how much I would have to learn, and the length of time it would take me to start making money.
So, trust me when I say, I understand the fear of the process. Yet, once I took a step back and thought about why I was afraid, I realized those things that were holding me back were my perception, not my reality (unless I chose to give in). So, I shifted my focus and thought about how all the wonderful things I would gain outweighed the process of getting there.
So, how do you manage this fear of process?
Struggle and adversity are a part of life. Through adversity comes the opportunity to grow and changes our lives. We must be bold enough to face that fear, and accept the changes that may come with it. This fear is filled with uncertainty. At times, it can be downright scary, but we have to trust ourselves and believe that things will work out. It’s all part of the journey of life. We cannot avoid taking chances, or better yet, giving ourselves a chance. Change is the very thing that stretches beyond our comfort zone, so that we may grow. We can then learn to appreciate the process, instead of fear it.
Fear of the End Result
The last type of fear is FEAR OF THE END RESULT. Have you ever asked yourself what would happen if things don’t turn out the way you want? I know I have. I’ve taken a lot of chances on business ventures and invested a significant amount of time and money which I can never get back. I can’t say I was in a hurry to do that again. In the end, I had to decide if my hunger for success was stronger than my fear of the result.
I know it’s not always easy to just think positive. But, my experiences have taught me that to be successful it’s extremely important to a positive end in mind.
So, how do you manage this fear of the end result?
The answer starts with your mind. Buddha stated, “Everything is based on mind, is led by mind, is fashioned by mind.” Your mind is your most powerful asset and it will yield the result of whatever it has been focusing on – good or bad. Once you begin to monitor and witness for yourself how your most dominant thoughts eventually become your reality, you will start to take better inventory of the things that you allow your mind to focus on.
Think about it like this. If you were told you had 30 days to shed 30 pounds and you would be rewarded with $30,000 tax-free, would you focus on how good an extra cheesy pizza would taste for dinner, or would you focus on how great it will be to have a nest egg as you eat your sautéed broccoli and grilled chicken breast for dinner? You might initially say you would focus on the pizza. But, after a while, you would find yourself tired and tired of thinking about something that would not serve your best interest. If you wanted to be rewarded, you would work to manage your thoughts and begin to appreciate the healthy food that would give you a healthy reward.
So, in thinking about fear, have you ever asked yourself what exactly are you afraid of? I think it’s important to answer the question if we want to conquer our fears.
How to Find What You're Afraid of
The answer lies in being honest and true to yourself. You can fool people on the
outside, but you can’t fool yourself on the inside. Whatever you fear will keep coming up, have control over your decisions, and possibly your life.
So, once you decide you will be honest and true to yourself, then you will start to see more clearly the source of your fear. As you begin to see the source of your fear more clearly, the more you will be able to study and understand it. And, once you understand your fear, the more confident you will become in how to address it positively.
Now I’ve shared the top 3 types of fear that people have shared with me. I’ve even shared some of my own experiences in conquering my fears. I have no superhuman strength. I am just like you, which means you can conquer your fears too. It will not happen overnight, but over time, the power of fear will have less control over you. You will be able to start that business, take an amazing trip by yourself, build a new relationship, pursue your dream career, communicate confidently what you want out of life, find your healthy weight, pursue your education and be more mindful.
Go ahead, envision yourself happy. See yourself winning. Learn to Focus. Become empowered by man’s most precious gift, the power of choice and free will. You do have the power to choose your thoughts.
The most important lessons I’ve ever learned thus far in my life came through the struggle to achieve something great. It’s hard, it’s sometimes frustrating and it will sometimes make you ask, “What was I thinking?” But, I can say from experience that if your intentions are good and you stay focused, then the struggle and frustration will be worth it in the end.
Be Bold!
Don’t give in to fear. Give yourself the chance to succeed.
Be Courageous!
Be Positive!
“Everything is based on mind, is led by mind, is fashioned by mind. If you speak and act with a polluted mind, suffering will follow you, as the wheels of the oxcart follow the footsteps of the ox. Everything is based on mind, is led by mind, is fashioned by mind. If you speak and act with a pure mind, happiness will follow you, as a shadow clings to a form.”
– Buddha